June 25th

Today, the sun refused to shine, it’s gloomy. Perhaps, the weather sympathizes what I truly feels today. Never did I think that things would turn out as what it is now. It’s beyond, it’s hurting and somehow I feel deep down inside that I am slowly sinking with this feeling.

It has just been 3 days since the last time we talked.  It was late afternoon then, he waited for me at the gate. Our eyes met and I feel that something within me is hurting. We walked until we reach the place where we intended to sit and talk. People are passing in our way. I feel like I’m floating at that time, feeling so lost that I don’t even noticed that we were walking together. Then, he started to talk and talk about what happened and started to say sorry over and over of what he did. I’ve tried explaining everything to him. Yet, he still insists that I should give him another chance.

After that, I thought that he would stop me. That he would no longer send me random text messages of how he feels with our break-up. That he would just let me move on. That he would no longer let me feel that my decision of leaving him is wrong.

It’s hard to be in this situation when what I truly feel that it’s enough yet, he still doesn’t want to give up. I feel so sad, hopeless and perhaps feeling so uncertain.  He always wanted me to be there for him when in fact how many times he took me for granted. He’s just so selfish, self-centered, and insensitive.

This time what I needed is time for myself. This is my first heartbreak and somehow, I now understand what others would tell me how it hurt to experience it for the first time. Behind all these, when broken hearts would be healed, I would be okay. He too would be okay, I sighed.