It’s the “I” thingy :)

I am : looking forward for our on the job training (OJT) at Cebu City, hopefully. Weeh :)

I think : that every person deserves to love and be love back.

I know : that I still have to learn a lot of things.

I want : to have a new hairstyle. Hahahah!

I have : hurt some of my friends because of being so frank with them but they appreciate it though and I feel sorry for that.

I wish : that my dream of being a journalist  will do come true. :D

I hate : feeling-know-all people.

I miss : my high school friends. I rarely see them now :(

I fear : of seeing myself not having a family  in the future. That would be so frustrating. HAHAHAH!

I hear: “Set Fire to the Rain” by Adele" I sooo love this song <3

I smell : the aroma of Kopiko Brown Coffee here at the office.

I crave : for chocolates!  >.<

I search : for true happiness. Bwahahahah!

I wonder : if I ever cross his mind. Hahahah. Chos! :P

I regret : of trusting so much some  people yet at the end, they will just backbite you. Arrgghh! >.<

I love : my family, my  PYLON FAMILY, closest friends and GOD :)

I ache : when I see the people I love being hurt.  

I was not : who I am today. I’ve learned a lot and I think I am a more responsible person now.

I am not : good with Chemistry and Math related subjects. :D

I cry : when I could no longer control my temper.

I believe : that everything happens for a purpose.

I dance : when it’s needed. Hahahah. I’m not a good dancer either.

I sing : when I’m at the bathroom. Pang-moment kunuhay bah :D

I read : “My Footprints for Teens” as often as I could.

I don't always: wear shorts or any-above the knee outfit. Hahah

I write : to put into words what I feel and think.

I win : and I lose :D

I lose : and I win :D

I never : wanted  to see my mama being hurt by anybody.

I always : thank God for having this wonderful people around  me.

I listen : mostly to Christian songs.

I can usually be found : at  the Pylon office

I am scared : of heights. I always have this fear especially when I’m in elevated places.

I need : my family as always :)

I am happy : that God has always been so good to me and I have my Pylon Family.

I wake up : earlier during weekends than weekdays (kind of weird!)

I sleep : with a hopeful heart that tomorrow will be another day and God’s guidance will always be with me.

P.S : Thank you for this Te Janjie :)

Beyond the word "marriage"

I reposted this from one of my closest friends. It’s quiet long but it’s really worth reading this. I had teary eyes after I read this. ^^ Happy Love Month ♥  :)

Marriage

“When I got home that night as ...my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? 

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! 

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. 

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. 

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. 

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. 

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. 

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. 

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. 

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. 

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. 

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. 

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. 

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. 

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until deaths do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. 

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband…. 

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! 

Last christmas..

[ pa.picture sa boulevard kuyog akong mga ig-agaw ]

Last christmas, I spend it with my closest relatives at Dipolog City. That was one-of-a kind. I had my first driving tutorial with my cousins. I learned how to cook calderita. I had joined the yearly reunion with relatives and most especially, I had a precious time to be with my father again after 4 long years.

[ kuyog si Dodo ug ate Tatot :) ]

[ kapila dagay mi nag.lukso2 ani para ma.perfect ra jud ang shot, hahahah. at least, ni.try :D ]

[ Eifel Tower, Paris sa Dipolog City. Hahahahah. Feel kaau nako ang moment :D ]

That was AMAZING :) Thank you for that wonderful year Lord God!

   

when I write...

When I write, I put a little bit of myself into the words.

I don't write for the favorites, or the comments, or the pageviews. I write because it's simply me, writing. There's a certain magic in words.

Some people write for the attention. Some people write for fun. I can understand that. But when I write, something tugs in my mind and flows out of my fingertips, to be locked in the syllables on the page. That's why I'm terrified to delete anything I write.

When I die, I suppose I won't really be dead – my soul will still be here, trapped inside my words. I wish I could write for pleasure, I really do. But I have this animalistic instinct, this primal sense that makes me write. It squeezes words out of my head and hands, taking myself along with it.

Is it wrong to say I enjoy it? My writing controls me, not the other way around. The words are there before my fingers are, the eloquent little beasts. Even know, I can feel a little bit of my soul slinking out my fingertips into these passages, embedding themselves in the pages. These letters fly by in blurs. They are like birds: wild, unbidden, and flying. I cannot control them.

Sometimes, my writing is a placid lake – to be fetched from when needed, fishing creativity out of the depths. But more often than not, it's a current of rapidly tumbling words that rush and screech, eager to get out of my head.

It comes when I least expect it, too: whenever I sit down, my fingers twitch and itch in their hurry to find the words. I've learned to control it by now, though. I can smile and laugh and hug and sit quietly when needed, but the urge is simply there.

When I try to hold it in, it builds up and then my mind implodes, sending words fumbling for cover inside my head. It's dumbfounding. I have no way to explain the way my imagination works, and even if I could, I wouldn't tell you.

As I said before, there's a certain magic in writing. There is no perfection in the pieces I write: in fact, far from perfection. In their hurry to be on the page, the words stumble and choke across my passages. They rush by too fast for me to capture.

When I die, I wonder if the bit of my soul I put into here will be returned to me.

how it feels like...

With so many stuffs I have to think, so many things I have to do, several people to be lead, and a number of friends to be with sometimes, I wonder how it feels like to be totally alone.

I just miss being with myself solely. Those times when I will just walk alone on my way home and be able to feel the cool breeze of air while passing through Freedom Park. Those days that I will do window shopping all by myself in the downtown and bought something from the ukay-ukayan stores. And those nights when I just have to listen with some mellow songs and find myself crying.

Oh! How I miss being with myself alone....

That dark and stormy night....

It was a dark and stormy night. I’m still waiting for my classmates outside the gate. Heavy rains poured out as I glanced at the open field. It was then I realized that it was just only me standing alone.

Could someone at least stand beside me at this moment? I feel so alone and lonely yet no one’s with me. The night is long and it reminds of that night when he went away.

I took a few steps closer to the gate when suddenly a strong whiz of the wind blew my umbrella away. I tried to pull back and took cover under the mango tree when a lightning strike a nearby tree.

I step shocked. Where are they? Are they still coming for me? Or they are just the same with my boyfriend. Just went away and gone forever. Not a single trace can be found. Am I destined to be treated like this? My heart is on deep hurt. It was that night, the very same night, dark and cold, I saw him there beside the guard house with her. Arms tightly locked with each other, I can feel the passion of two people in love.

All I could do was to stare at them. I stand there frozen. I can’t move while the rain was pouring very hard. I admit I still love him and it kills like hell to see him with another woman. Didn’t he love me anymore? I gave him all my love, but here I’m alone in this gloomy night, witnessing the romantic scene of the man I love with my best friend.

How can they betray me like this? I trusted them… how could they do this to me? I was so good to them; I give anything they asked for. Oh! Hell no!! I’m going to give back what they have started.

This is so unfair! I know they wouldn’t be happy. Curse them both! Revenge will surely happen. They will really feel the pain they have caused me. Someday, they will realize what they did.

I know, to be in love is a great feeling but now I realized, being in love also means being risky that you might get hurt form the person you’ve trusted so much.

That was two years ago, I smiled as I recall that tragic moment with my life. Here I am now, gladly smiling facing with the other graduate. Finally, I am now a graduate. A better person. A better me.

                

God saves :)

For how many weeks, I was really confused on what to do. Things are getting more complicated. I don’t know if I’m making the right thing. In short, I’m totally lost.

I have nowhere to go. My friends are all busy. They have their own lives. I can’t rely on them at all times unlike before. Perhaps, I thought I can do this barely on my own.

There were nights when before I close my eyes, I cried and fervently pray that He will grant me the wisdom on what to do. At that time, I don’t really know what to do.

In God’s grace, He answered my prayer.

It was one Sunday morning, I woke up around 6 o’clock am. I got up, listening to Christian songs while sitting in our porch. And then, I was really touched with the song “You’re My Beloved” by Kare Jobe.

Just with that song, I feel God’s presence and I can’t control myself from crying. At that time, God let me feel how He loves me and that He will never let me go no matter what.

At that moment when I almost lose hope, His love rescued me.

I believe God has his purpose why He let things happen.

I may not understand this right now but I know someday, I will.

He is worth to be praise. J

that was me before

I’m trapped in this situation. That feeling of sadness even though I’m surrounded with cheerful friends. They make me smile.Oh yes! They’re so good to me. Yet out of somewhere, something else catches my attention. Now, I’m looking into it. Closer, a little bit closer and gently I found it! This is what I missed.

This was me before. This is how exactly I chuckle,giggle,and laugh. I miss my sense of cheerfulness. It has been a long time since I laugh outrageously.  That kind of laugh without any pretentions. I was like that before.

Full of life, enthusiasm, and zest.

Counting on God

‘’ Joy unspeakable that won’t go away

  And just enough strength to face for the day

  So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring

 ‘Cause my faith is on solid rock

  I am counting on God’’

Though I’m facing a lot of struggles as of this time, I choose to believe that God has a greater purpose why He allows all this things to happen.  He is God. He knows everything I’m going through.

Emotionally, I’m not okay. Still, I manage to giggle and laugh as if everything’s okay. Yes, I still long for my father’s love. I miss him so much. How I pray that everything would just go back just like before.  I still believe that someday, everything would be okay.

God’s love never fails. In toughest moments of my life, His grace and mercy continues to flow. And I am very thankful for that. I may not have an earthly father but my Heavenly Father never abandons me. And every time I feel alone and lonely, His presence has always been with me.

I am unsure of what tomorrow may bring but one thing I’m sure of is that ‘’God will never leave me nor forsake me. I am his daughter and He loves me just the way I am’’. 

God, I continue to count in You. I pray for courage to face each day, wisdom for me to understand things and a humble heart for me to accept condemnations. 

Space Photos This Week: Leaky "Heart," Sun Devil, More

Space Photos This Week: Leaky "Heart," Sun Devil, More